Yes? No? Maybe?

Living the life. Just going with the flow.
Of sweet uncertainties and kismets.
Everything seems so surreal. So unreal.
Expect nothing more, I tell myself.
'Cause all it takes is a push.
A push back into reality, to end the flow.

So maybe, just maybe.
Under the smiles.
Under the laughter.
Under the facade I've put up.
Nothing is really what it seems.


The embers seem to be glowing.
I should probably put 'em out.

What worries?

All the angst and uncertainty, forgotten.
Drowned out by the myriad of laughter, dance and booze.
Soaking in the fun, thinking it was the sun.
Friendship never tasted like Havana's rum.

And we partied like there was no tomorrow.

Just living out of habit.

A Sign to point me in the right direction would suffice.

I Feel

I just feel like a complete...

Oh bother.

Let's play with fire.

And pray that I don't get burnt.

The Perth-fect Trip

Thanks everyone for making it the Perth-fect get away!

I'll see you all again... someday.

Cheers!

Again

I just can't help it. 

I'm getting sucked into it again.

I just pray it won't spit me out.

Yet again.

This is what I'm talking about...

The Oh-So-Sweet Escape.

Konayuki

For my cousins. Enjoy.

That was sad.

You didn't even bother.

Guess it won't matter.

Now it don't matter.

When the going gets tough, the tough drink vodka.

Tough Break Kiddo

Life is like a play.

Someone has to be the loser.

And I fcking hate to be it.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I need a breather.

I need the OZ air.

Oh yeah, here I come.

Viva La Vida

My take on Coldplay's Viva La Vida... Enjoy!

Lock & Load

Come on, steady now.

Take a deep breath,

Hold it right there.

Now, take a good aim.

Just right between my eyes.

Take your time.

And don't miss.

Wishful thinking.

How dumb.

I should just wish it away.

Uck this Shi-

'Mutha Uckers' by Flight of the Conchords. Enjoy!

Are You Into It?

Flight of the Conchords. Enjoy!

NDP `08

Happy National Day!

Back to 5 days of fixing vehicles.

I kinda miss NDP.

And I really miss the Monday offs.

Over & Out.

Loving Memory

If only letting go was that easy.

God, I miss You.

080806

Once bitten, twice shy.
Thrice bitten, fine,
I'll go take a hike.

Fuck. I can't make up my mind.

The Dark Knight

Just caught "The Dark Knight" and...

It was fantastic!

Heath Ledger was phenomenal as the Joker.

I'm so gonna watch it again.

Now... Let's put a smile on that face.

Now you see me.

Now you don't

Now you need me.

Now you don't.

Take a Peak

Spoiler Alert.

Big time.

There you go.

A sneak preview on what to expect from NDP'08.
The fireworks are gonna be awesome.

There's nothing compared to seeing it for yourselves.

So just come down to Esplanade every Saturday, around 8 o'clock,

to see where all our ERP, GST payments etc. have gone to.

Enjoy.

Puffy Eyes & Face Bites

Just went through some chemical defence training couple of days back. Yeah, and the experience was... "memorable". All of us were issued with the standard Individual Protective Equipment (IPE) which was outrageously disgusting. To sum it up, the suit smelt like something died in there and my face mask had spiders making their homes in it. Wonderful.

Well, at least the final day turned out to be pretty "fun". We were made to fall in at 0630 when the actual training started at 1000 due to some big time management cock up. Finally got dressed up, did our tests and prepared for the finale - the gas chamber. Whoaaaa... don't get too excited now. This ain't some cool sophisticated room that Hollywood has managed to create in our minds. Wait till you actually see it. Some said it looks like a guard house, or a hut. I'd like to call it a rubbish dump. No, seriously. It looks JUST like that from the outside. Nothing too fancy.

Alright. So we entered the "gas chamber", did 5 basic exercises (jumping jacks, squats, head rotations etc.), did a canister changing drill and last but not least, we had to remove our face masks and read out our IC number, rank and name. All of this in the midst of CS smoke aka tear gas. When the smoke hits you, you'll experience an instant high as the smoke starts biting at your skin. The second you exit the chamber with the wind blowing at you, yeah, you start to cry. The aftermath feels like a million sunburns on your face and neck and it feels like someone rubbed chili flakes in your eyes. Not too bad an experience I'd say.

Yeap, and I'm on 2 days medical leave now. Cheers.

I never asked for it to be this way.
So is it my fault now?
Is it my fault again?

Wake the F' Up

I should really stop fantasising.

Just wake the fck up from this dream,

And stop dreaming bout the Impossible.

...

It ain't gonna happen Ryan.

You know it.

But still I wish it.

I miss...

you.

Fall For You

Not too perfect... but yeah, at least I tried right? Enjoy.

Sight For Sore Eyes

Girls
Girls
& even more Girls.

Haha, we love eye candy, don't we boys?

NDP has been good to us so far.

Hate can be a positive emotion

When it forces you to better yourself.

Fix this

I need to get my ankle fixed. I need to fcking run again...



Thanks for the memories.

Soccer for a Breather

If you peeps still do not know... All my Thursdays and Saturdays will be burned thanks to NDP preperations. Spent the entire Saturday just sitting around watching the parade, sleeping...and yeah, basically fooling around. Tons of eye candy going around, and that's probably the best thing bout spending my entire day at Marina Bay.

Had Mok book the Cage for some late night soccer after. Started playing from 1 and we ended around 3ish. Damn good game I have to say. Never felt better. And never have I felt so much pain in my ankle before. Fck. Drove down to Geylang for some "sight-seeing" and frog porridge. Bloody awesome supper (I meant the porridge). And yeah, reached home around 5ish to crash at my front door. Perfect.

NDP is starting to get on my nerves...

Down & Out

I'm really feeling like f'ed up shit these few days.
Damned cough and flu ain't helping either.
And it's probably because of all the shit that's going on around me.

Where's the famed spark that lights me up?

Where's the sweet escape when I need one?

Take It To the Next Level

Got this DVD freebie while watchin the Singapore vs Uzbekistan match. Check it out, it's pretty cool. Ha.. at least there is somethin to be happy about.

3-7!

Went down to Singapore National Stadium after camp to catch the World Cup qualifiers match between Singapore and Uzbekistan. And boy... was I disappointed. First we had to queue for what seemed like eternity only to miss out on the first 6 goals. Next, we had to endure an entire second half of Uzbekistan diving. Seriously fcked up. And yeah.. singapore lost.

I tried looking for it.

But it sunk so deep.

Too cold to grasp.

Impossible to reach.

Watch Your Front

Last 2 days have been pretty fcking boring, spending 2 entire days at the live range. No one said shooting was no fun. It's just because of all the waiting that makes it bloody unbearable. There's the day shoot, and then the night shoot. The fcked up thing bout these 2 days was that we only spent 2 hrs shooting in the day - we started at 9 in the morn. And guess what? We just had to sit our tired bored asses and wait for night before commencing our night shooting. Perfect. Well, at least the wait paid off. Shot 23 outta 28, so yeah, finally got my marksman status. Not that it matters... really. Just hope I'll get rewarded with days off.

Craving for margaritas..

Your Silence Is Murder...

The Green-Eyed Monster

On the outside, it's a facade of smiles and laughter.

Putting on a show for those that are oblivious to what's inside.

But deep down from within, there lies a beast.

Just waiting to burst out and rip itself apart.

To scream out in disgust and hate.

To pull out the knife, stabbed where it hurts most.

So there lies the Green-Eyed monster.

And I just hate to be it.

Fuck YOU.

Apathy

There's no reason for me to smile.

There never was.

A Shot

If there was another shot.
Would you give it?


I would.

What's in my backyard?

The "little" scaly bastard.

~

Yeap. That's the thing that lives in my backyard. Just yesterday, on a bloody HOT sunday afternoon, my neighbours gave me an unexpected call. Apparently, they claimed to have seen a HUGE snake in their backyard. Right. So yes, being the extremely nice gentleman that I am, I offered to take a look. Sure enough, I saw a wickedly long tail popping out from behind some pails and whatever else you keep at a washing corner. Went to take a closer look and started tracing the "snake's" tail... and it led me to a pair of hind legs with hooked tallons. Wow, a snake with limbs. Right, so it wasn't a snake. Gee Einstein, you think so?

Here comes the fun part. We called the police to ask for some "professional" assistance. But guess what? They turned us down, claiming they won't deal with a MONITOR LIZARD in your home unless it escapes into the public. Wow, that was really helpful mate. So being the ONLY guy at the scene, given the fact that my daredevil father is off running somewhere, I had to handle the situation. You kiddin' me right?

Alright. So here was what I did. To get a better look at it, and probably give me enough space to "catch" the thing, I moved the pails outta the way and next thing I knew... BOOM! The lizard just lept out and started making a run for it. Everyone went hysterical and started running and jumping onto stools, basically just trying to get out of the monitor lizard's way. Boy, was that thing huge. It was probably 2 metres long at least. My neighbour started screaming for me to grab the damned thing and I was like, "WTH!? What do you want me to do after I get it?". Ok. So being a MAN, I had to do something - I grabbed the lizard's tail.

Don't laugh. I'm fcking serious. The thing was writhing so wildly that I eventually let go of it's tail (with great pleasure). It leapt into the drain and scrambled away to god-knows-where it went. End of story.

Sorry folks if you expected me to wrestle Mr. Scaly. It had "suicide" written all over it and my ba**s ain't that big. Although it would have been 'fun' to catch the damned thing, and have a nice lil picture of me with my head stuck in it's mouth on the front cover of the Straits Times Home section.

Happy Birthday

Happy 19th Birthday Patrick n Jolene! Hope you two had a good one! :)



and here's another Happy Birthday to you, Nikki.
If only you were here...
If only...

Wow.. that sucks

So sick of getting bored.

I need some excitement.

My entire plans for this weekend was screwed.

And now, another week of repairing vehicles that should just get scrapped.

What a load of shite.

Done

It was wrong of me.
I held on to a feeling that had nothing left to it.
I'm just too blind to see.

Oh...

And the deed is done.
It felt good. Really good.

Don't Matter

It's alright.

It don't matter anymore.

But...

Do you even know what you're looking for?

Searching

I'm still searching for it..


So...


Will you point me in the right direction then?

A Longing

I miss you


you know i do.

Turn it Back

Can it ever be the same?

I would like to feel once again.

Drained

Life has been pretty f-ing meaningless these few weeks. Just fixing vehicles all f-ing day long and there's nothing to look forward to at the end of the f-ing long day. I need a damn change. A good one. I hope.

This feels like..

Yeah, I think you know what this feeling is.

It ain't good.



Yeap, just fuck it Ryan.

Just fuck it.

Reminisce

I miss . . .



the smell of your hair.

the taste of your lips.

the warmth of your touch.

the times when you would just lie next to me.

&

the way you play with my fingers when I sleep.





Can it ever be the same?

Boston

I think I'll go to Boston.

I think I'll start a new life.

I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.

I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,

I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.

I think I'll go to Boston.

I think that I'm just tired.

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of sunset,

I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

~

Nice song.

Let's go to Boston baby.

Boozed out

I think my liver's gonna die real soon.

Seriously.

And my lungs are gonna burn in hell.


Trying to stop.
But yeah, give me a month or two.
And I'll see it through.


I promise

The Reason

There's only one.

It's just me.

It's always been.

never good enough.

for you.

for anyone.

Uncertainty

I feel uneasy.

I feel crappy.

It's just this feeling of uncertainty.

Is it me?

Not able to see.

What's going on behind me.

Just getting kicked.

Cause I'm too afraid to seek.

It kills me.

Revealed

Let it out.



No more secrets.



No more deceit.



Let's wait and see.



I'm sure there's more than meets the eye.



So let it out.



Let's wait and see.

What if?

Few days back, got into one hell of an accident.

Maybe malaysian drivers should just stay off our roads.

My taxi got hit twice.

Smacked my head against the window and thank god it doesn't hurt anymore.

~

And just a day before that, a very dear friend of ours met with a fatal accident.

I mean, what are the fucking possibilities.. Fuck.

~

After going through the last few days feeling like total fucked up shit, I sit back and think - "What if I'd sat on the other side of the cab?".

I'd probably be meeting up with the departed way earlier than I thought, and just put an end to a totally messed up life.

~

Another part of me feared death. I was scared. Scared shitless.

The bright years ahead with friends and family.

I still haven't done many things that I dream of accomplishing,

and I'm still not fucking 21.

Yeah, fuck.

~

I didn't want to leave you

Used

I feel used.

Like insignificant thrash.

Just like paper.

When you need it, write on it.

But when you had enough,

Burn it. Tear it. Crush it.

Do whatever to it.

~

So just use me.

And tell me when you're done.

Goodbye

It was a call.
A call that I would never want to pick up.
The words slowly registered in my head as the news came through.
It hit me. It hit me bad.
And the tears just came.
I didn't want to believe it.
None of us did.

So this is all I can say,
Goodbye our dear friend.
May you find your rest.
You'll be missed.

We'll meet again... someday.


But not yet..

Not yet.

What a shit week

Had a couple of drinks tonight with some old pals (Weineng, Eugene, Evan & YangZhi), had a good talk with them, especially Yang Zhi, who's gone MIA since forever. Haha.. it was good catching up with him again. Good ol' times eh? And this week was one hell of a shit hole. 2008 hasn't really been kind to me.

I'm sorry for everything..



I just need some time..

Countdown

The Endevils.

The Bao & I.

Jo & Jas.

Cheers Ivan. Remind me not to drink beer ever again.

PMF and Bao gettin high = not good.

Brandon, MJ (stoned) & Sean.

Had a great dinner at Timbre.

Live band that night was awesome.

Caught the fireworks outside Raffles. Fantastic.

Until some idiot from above started raining down sparkles on people below.

Police as usual did nothing. Sigh.

Attempted clubbing afterwards but the guys weren't in the mood for it...

So... we chilled at my place, drank more booze and knocked out after that.

What a great way to kick off the new year.

Perfect.