What's in my backyard?

The "little" scaly bastard.

~

Yeap. That's the thing that lives in my backyard. Just yesterday, on a bloody HOT sunday afternoon, my neighbours gave me an unexpected call. Apparently, they claimed to have seen a HUGE snake in their backyard. Right. So yes, being the extremely nice gentleman that I am, I offered to take a look. Sure enough, I saw a wickedly long tail popping out from behind some pails and whatever else you keep at a washing corner. Went to take a closer look and started tracing the "snake's" tail... and it led me to a pair of hind legs with hooked tallons. Wow, a snake with limbs. Right, so it wasn't a snake. Gee Einstein, you think so?

Here comes the fun part. We called the police to ask for some "professional" assistance. But guess what? They turned us down, claiming they won't deal with a MONITOR LIZARD in your home unless it escapes into the public. Wow, that was really helpful mate. So being the ONLY guy at the scene, given the fact that my daredevil father is off running somewhere, I had to handle the situation. You kiddin' me right?

Alright. So here was what I did. To get a better look at it, and probably give me enough space to "catch" the thing, I moved the pails outta the way and next thing I knew... BOOM! The lizard just lept out and started making a run for it. Everyone went hysterical and started running and jumping onto stools, basically just trying to get out of the monitor lizard's way. Boy, was that thing huge. It was probably 2 metres long at least. My neighbour started screaming for me to grab the damned thing and I was like, "WTH!? What do you want me to do after I get it?". Ok. So being a MAN, I had to do something - I grabbed the lizard's tail.

Don't laugh. I'm fcking serious. The thing was writhing so wildly that I eventually let go of it's tail (with great pleasure). It leapt into the drain and scrambled away to god-knows-where it went. End of story.

Sorry folks if you expected me to wrestle Mr. Scaly. It had "suicide" written all over it and my ba**s ain't that big. Although it would have been 'fun' to catch the damned thing, and have a nice lil picture of me with my head stuck in it's mouth on the front cover of the Straits Times Home section.