Drained

Life has been pretty f-ing meaningless these few weeks. Just fixing vehicles all f-ing day long and there's nothing to look forward to at the end of the f-ing long day. I need a damn change. A good one. I hope.

This feels like..

Yeah, I think you know what this feeling is.

It ain't good.



Yeap, just fuck it Ryan.

Just fuck it.

Reminisce

I miss . . .



the smell of your hair.

the taste of your lips.

the warmth of your touch.

the times when you would just lie next to me.

&

the way you play with my fingers when I sleep.





Can it ever be the same?

Boston

I think I'll go to Boston.

I think I'll start a new life.

I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.

I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,

I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.

I think I'll go to Boston.

I think that I'm just tired.

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of sunset,

I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

~

Nice song.

Let's go to Boston baby.

Boozed out

I think my liver's gonna die real soon.

Seriously.

And my lungs are gonna burn in hell.


Trying to stop.
But yeah, give me a month or two.
And I'll see it through.


I promise

The Reason

There's only one.

It's just me.

It's always been.

never good enough.

for you.

for anyone.

Uncertainty

I feel uneasy.

I feel crappy.

It's just this feeling of uncertainty.

Is it me?

Not able to see.

What's going on behind me.

Just getting kicked.

Cause I'm too afraid to seek.

It kills me.

Revealed

Let it out.



No more secrets.



No more deceit.



Let's wait and see.



I'm sure there's more than meets the eye.



So let it out.



Let's wait and see.

What if?

Few days back, got into one hell of an accident.

Maybe malaysian drivers should just stay off our roads.

My taxi got hit twice.

Smacked my head against the window and thank god it doesn't hurt anymore.

~

And just a day before that, a very dear friend of ours met with a fatal accident.

I mean, what are the fucking possibilities.. Fuck.

~

After going through the last few days feeling like total fucked up shit, I sit back and think - "What if I'd sat on the other side of the cab?".

I'd probably be meeting up with the departed way earlier than I thought, and just put an end to a totally messed up life.

~

Another part of me feared death. I was scared. Scared shitless.

The bright years ahead with friends and family.

I still haven't done many things that I dream of accomplishing,

and I'm still not fucking 21.

Yeah, fuck.

~

I didn't want to leave you

Used

I feel used.

Like insignificant thrash.

Just like paper.

When you need it, write on it.

But when you had enough,

Burn it. Tear it. Crush it.

Do whatever to it.

~

So just use me.

And tell me when you're done.